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 Want to instantly boost your street-cred in computer geek circles? Follow these steps:
#1 Take the cover off of you computer. Don't actually touch anything, you might break something or yourself. Real computer geeks are always fixing or changing the hardware in their computers, and don't have time for such mundane things as covers on their computers. That would be like, well, a car with the hood on. #2 Install Linux on a computer. Not on your main computer. You won't be using Linux, but it is cool to say you have it on your computer. Make sure to get an easy to install distro like Ubuntu. Now you can officially call yourself open-source. Having Linux installed on your computer gives you the right to bash all kinds of corporate entities - Microsoft, Adobe, any hardware vendor that doesn't supply Linux drivers for their hardware....almost anyone is fair game. Except for Apple. Nobody talks bad about Apple. #3 Speaking of Apple - buy one, NOW. Ok, now that you have bought an Apple computer - you will automatically feel compelled to justify it's ridiculously high price by using it solely for the purpose of making fun of the Wintel box buyers that "don't get it." Buying the Mac will raise your IQ by at least 10 points and you will immediately be seen as a more caring, more creative and more just-fun-in-general-to-be-around guy. #4 You must always claim to use Notepad. Whenever a conversation breaks out in your favorite geek forum about "What do you guys use to make web pages with?"....sit back and wait for around 10 replies to go up. Then you strike...."I just use notepad". When they start asking "What IDE do you use to develop your code?"....again, just go with "I use notepad.". All the other guys that claim to use Dreamweaver, or Frontpage or whatever other WYSIWYG web tool they use, will immediately feel inadequate. "I use notepad" is only 3 words, but it speaks volumes about the depth of your coding knowledge and disdain for some other guys "fancy schmansy GUI". If your use of notepad is challenged in any way, make sure to throw the term "bloatware" around liberally in your counter-attack. #5 Along the same lines, whenever anyone talks about doing anything using icons, claim that it can be done faster at the command line. It doesn't matter that you don't know how to do anything from the command line. Just claim that the task it faster using the command line instead of the GUI. Your opposition will immediately feel like GUI little sissys. #6 Always be on the lookout for chances to "one-up" the opposition. Here are a few key phrases: Them: I bought a new Dell. You: I just built my own. Them: I use Photoshop. You: I use GIMP, it's so open source and just as powerful. Them: I use Windows. You: I use Linux. Them: I use Linux. You: I use Mac. (Remember - Apple trumps everything.) Them: I use Mac. You: (Don't say anything, just give them a hug. Your mutual Apple use obviously makes you smarter, more compassionate and just generally-in-a-higher-tax-bracket than everyone else, and the two of you should celebrate that together.) ...This list is not meant to be exhaustive. This is just to give you a start on your way to super-geek-wannabedome. ***This was written using WINE in Slackware so that I could enter the text using nothing but notepad.
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